Day Dreams Of Ending An Elf

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When “The Elf On The Shelf” first came out, I swore our family wouldn’t be sucked in.

The holidays are stressful enough without having to remember to hide a slightly creepy, weirdly stiff stuffed toy each night before bed….or, more correctly, to quickly can come up with a crazy explanation as to why the elf hasn’t moved since yesterday morning.

“Remember yesterday when you didn’t clean your room like mommy asked? The Elf obviously didn’t like that….so he became petrified…like wood…so be good or he won’t be able to move…”

Well, obviously, after numerous years of begging and watching their cousins have soooo much fun with their beady eyed Santa’s helper, we caved and had one delivered to our door.

They freaking adore the bastard.

I woke up this morning 45 minutes before my alarm would go off, to the excited tinkling of tiny voices. I didn’t think much of it, I hadn’t slept well and neither had the baby, so I plopped my pillow over my head and closed my eyes.

Before long a little naked human flopped on top of me. Apparently someone forgot to pee in the potty and not their bed, but that’s not the most annoying part…

“Mommy, mommy, mommy! Mama, mama! I wanna find Huckleberry Snow (our Elf’s name) all by myself!”

What the crap?! OMG it’s freaking December 1st, that little demon is supposed to have made an entrance!

And so, while I wondered how to hide an elf that has already been searched for for an entire hour, I also silently plotted his demise….

Maybe, we could cover him in peanut butter and hide him in the dog’s bed? I have images of a ripped up red suit, a hat that will not be found until someone picks up the dog poo the next day….Fudge. My plan will be foiled by our obnoxiously good dog who has never destroyed anything. I need Cujo darnit!

Perhaps, he could hide in the oven and our morning could be started with amaze-balls cinnamon rolls. He won’t be found until, sadly, the oven has already preheated and his face has melted off….

Or….Mr. Huckleberry might choose to hide in the bathroom, precariously perched above the commode. He might slip on some precariously placed soap and fall into someone’s poo (cause no one in the house flushes ANYTHING). Such a sanitary disaster would call for a watery burial for the Elf…

I believe I had a scary sneer on my face while day dreaming of Huckleberry Snow’s death. The freedom of not worrying about re-hding the little devil, much less coming up with new and fun adventures for him to have been on during the night, is just too exciting not to smile about. If Huckleberry Snow disappeared, kidnapped by an angry yeti on the naughty list, I wouldn’t have to clean up his powdered sugar snow angels, or the confetti he throws around in celebration, or sacrifice my ice cream to his whims.

It would be glorious.

For me.

My children, however, would be devastated beyond belief. They have become very attached to this plague that infects our house the ENTIRE month before Christmas. wp_20161201_07_19_00_pro

I guess, I have to admit that his appearance suddenly fills the home with an excitement that is unparalleled by any other tradition.

Argh! I will endeavor not to OFF him just yet….How many more years do I have with him? OMG at least 10….

Is there a wine Elf that could come for me? Snowflake Sangria would be the perfect name….or Merry Merlot…Chappy Chardonnay…

Now I’m thirsty, and it’s only 8:18am….It’s gonna be a long month.

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44 thoughts on “Day Dreams Of Ending An Elf

  1. This made me chuckle. Artie The Elf made an appearance in our house and Little L, aged 2.5 years, loves him. Every morning he looks for him then shows him to every person who enters our house. I have to say, I quite enjoy finding new things for him to do…but nothing that takes too much creativity! Ha ha! #KCACOLS

  2. Ha ha. I entered the elf zone for the first time this year. My daughter is 10. I think it was a bad decision. But one I’m sticking with. There is elf syndrome all around! #KCACOLS

  3. Oh man, I really don’t like the Elf chaps. Nothing personal but they aren’t warm and snuggly as I imagine Christmas things to be. I think he looks a bit gaunt and creepy. I also don’t like the fact he appears everywhere. You have my sympathy in having to add moving him around to your already long list of mum duties. I really hope my daughter never kicks-off for not having one. If she does, I might have to convince her to have a, err, Rudolph on…a…shelf :s #KCACOLS

  4. Ha ha! Maybe this is why I haven’t yet started this tradition in our house! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday x

  5. I just don’t think that I could cope with the pressure of the Elf. The boys have advent calendars and an advent train and half the time I forget to fill the train up (I’m a bad mummy 😉) Maybe if they were younger I would succumb to the pressure? Thank you for linking up to #EatSleepBlogRT 🌟

  6. Hahaha were yet to embark on the elf as mine are still just a little too young, I suspect next year maybe the year. I’ve been getting lots of inspiration from Facebook! I haven’t however thought about the dark side of this little thing…a the blissful naivety! Good luck you’re not far enough now and in the mean time definitely get on that chappy Chardonnay! Thanks for sharing at #familyfun

    1. I’m a glutton for punishment, ever since i heard of that i have wanted to add him to our party too! -Brandi with Big Fit Fam

  7. LMFAO! Sangria Snowflake for the win! I just posted about EOTS. I never jumped on the bandwagon, but when I see all the inappropriately awesome things people are doing with them, I kind of regret not getting one.

    Hang in there. Elf can die when Santa does. Stay strong! 😉 #anythinggoes

  8. hahahahahha…you had me laughing so hard. It’s Dec. 7 and we’ve all been so sick and my kid has not remembered about Nutmeg. She will come out tomorrow full of confusion as to why she didn’t find her yet. LOVED your post. Best wishes on the next 10. Maybe the older kids need to help…for gratitude payment for making magic happen.

    1. I would settle for more help from the hubs! LOL, he is all about the easy hiding, non-adventure…darn elf! -Brandi with Big Fit Fam

  9. I think the person whose demise I’d be plotting is the idiot who thought up the elf on the shelf thing in the first place. I wrote about this last year actually and I can’t imagine being inventive enough considering we’re a week into Christmas and I’ve STILL not filled the fabric pocket advent calendar we have. My poor kids! I admire your energy; good luck for the next 10 years ha ha. #stayclassymama

    1. Oh man, for sure! I slacked this year (or last year actually) and just left the old advent cards in their boxes…haha -Brandi with Big Fit Fam

    1. IT was definitely fun, the first week or so that we had him, but then it just became exhausting, slightly stressful, and a pain….but the kids love him soooooo he can keep up the good work I guess 😉 -Brandi with Big Fit Fam

  10. We’ve got two of them for the first time this year. I’m running out of ideas already and it’s only the 7th. If you could please share your ideas for what to say when you’ve forgotten to move them please? I may need about *counts on fingers* say 17 excuses lined up? 😉 x #bestandworst

  11. Ha! Too funny! I am beyond irritated by this ridiculous tradition that someone came up with and now we must ALL participate in lest our children feel as though they aren’t part of things and they’ve done something wrong and Santa hates them.
    Not a fan of this freakin’ elf tradition! Not a fan.
    #AnythingGoes

    1. tell me about it1 I’m exhausted by it and it is only day six this year! oy, haha -Brandi with Big Fit Fam

  12. This is so funny.. especially as I have only just gone and ordered one of these this morning hahaha! Let the fun times roll on 🙂 #ablogginggoodtime

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