Tidbits To Remember When My Children Are Grown

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Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs, bad decisions and good, regrets and triumphs.  Looking back at my own childhood, I have so much sympathy for what my parents endured. While they were on a journey that took them down a different path than my own jaunt so far, I see many parallels between our lives, our adventures and misfortunes.

I also see many areas that I want to learn from. Not necessarily mistakes that they made, but small divergences from the path I want to remain on, that I hope not to repeat. These lessons are not just from observing my own family and experiences, but from friends and even strangers I have watched along the way.

Knowing how my mind works (meaning it doesn’t) I think it prudent to write down these lessons, these little tidbits of advice for my future self. Seeing as I can barely find the sunglasses on my head…

Remember Your Younger Self

Remember how hard childhood can be, how difficult it is to try and discover yourself and be your own person. Remember that you feared becoming your mother as a teenager….and it’s ok if your daughter feels the same way. Remember that there were days that the world overwhelmed and terrified you to the point where all you could accomplish was curling in a chair to read a book all day, and your son may feel the same way at times and need a video game break.  Age changes your memories, it makes certain pieces of your past stronger while fading others. For your own children’s sake, endeavor to remember and to find sympathy in those memories.

establish equality when they Marry/Become Parents

Remember to treat your children and their significant others equally on their big days. Whether this be with wedding planning or baby shower gifts, each day should only be marked by the specialness of the occasion not by how one child was treated differently than another. Find a set of specific gifts to bestow on each child for their first baby, set aside a certain amount of time and money for each wedding…deviating from this path can create bitterness and hurt feelings.

Give Information

As your children grow older they will become enmeshed in their own lives; time will fly by and they will suddenly realize that they haven’t seen their grandparents often enough. Work, children, and LIFE simply gets in the way. However, when illness strikes, your children will come to visit, they will make the time. Do not shelter them from the facts, let them know what is going on. Tell them if grandma is having tests done or has planned a surgery, warn them of an impending biopsy or worries about grandpa’s memory…You may think you are protecting them by keeping such information private, but all you are doing is taking away valuable time that your children could be making memories, or saying goodbye. Give the information and let your children process it and take steps as they see fit. Have pride and trust in the in people you raised to be able to handle the news and act accordingly.

Love Your Son and Daughter In Laws Like Your Own

Giving your children away to the care of someone else is going to be hard. It’s going to bring tears of joy and sadness as your children create lives of their own with someone else. You may find this even harder if you aren’t a particularly big fan of the person your child chooses for a mate. However, your child loves that person, your child wants them in their lives forever, and one sure way to create a rift between yourself and the life they create is to openly dislike them.  Hopefully, you will fall easily in love with the person your child has chosen, but if not, you must rise above your distaste and treat them with respect and care. Make them part of your family, as your child has. Don’t show favorites between your sons and daughters in law, even if you feel them in your heart.

let go

A time will come when your children struggle, when they need your help to pick up the pieces of the life they fought so hard to create. Bouey them, be their rock and give them the support and tools they need to begin again. Give them time and love…but do not be a crutch forever. As much as they need you to pick them up, they also need you to let them go, to force them to live their life alone once again, to make their own decisions, mistakes and bask in their personal triumphs. Do not let them forget to live as much as you may love having them around again, you did not raise them to live in your basement…push them to find their own path once more.

Take Your Grandchildren/Visit Often

Once again, your life will be busy and crazy and it will be easy to let your grandkids grow up too fast with not enough of you in their memories.  Take your grandchildren often. Set aside special backyard campouts and days at the park. Take them individually for special alone weekends and big pancake breakfasts where no one tells them they used too much syrup or butter and give them their own can of whipped cream to add as much topping as they would like. Babysit them whenever possible, even if it is inconvenient. Children grow so fast, and you are only getting older, let them help keep you young.

Be Consistent

Hopefully you will have LOTS of grandchildren. Make sure that you treat them each equally. Spend time with them all and be sure not to show favorites.  Make sure presents at Christmas and Birthdays are both different for each child yet comparable. If you have some grandchildren that live farther away, be sure that you send them small gifts of love to let them know you are thinking of them even as you spend one on one time with those that live closer to you. Call them on their Birthdays and holidays that you miss, Send silly cards for the sake of saying “hi” or “thanks” and always include a big hug or kiss. You won’t be around forever, make your love known now.

Don’t Forget, Everyone is Crazy

And so are you, in your own way. Try to be patient with your family when they drive you nuts rather than driving them away. There will be times when you drive everyone around you nuts as well. Your children will make decisions and act in ways that you cannot understand when they are older, try to remember that you raised them to live their own lives and not simply to abide by how you would live their life. Allow them to make their own mistakes and do not offer judgement, be humble and never jealous when they outshine you. Celebrate their every triumph, even if you do not consider it to be one.

My children grow older with every moment. Soon I will look around and find a quiet house, a clean house that I despise. Hopefully, remembering and abiding by these tidbits will keep my house busy with visits from my grown up babies and the children they have made.

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Mother’s Day is For Mom’s: “Pet Mama’s” Move Aside!

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May is just around the corner, and with it comes a day that every mommy looks forward to: Mother’s Day.

Mom’s spend a lot of time doing a lot of thankless tasks throughout the year, we are yelled at by the tiny people we are trying to rear and clean up the same mess 10 times a day simply to do it all again tomorrow.

On Mother’s day, our tiny humans thank us with cards and extra kisses, our spouses shower us in relaxation and breakfast made by anyone but mom.

It’s a wonderful day, just for MOMS. For the women who have created life inside their own bodies or chosen to spend their lives raising children they married into or were fortunate enough to adopt.

We deserve this day.

Which is why, while I search through the card aisle for the perfect card for my own mother, who has put up with 34 years of ME, I get pretty annoyed with the card category entitled “Pet Mom.” Continue reading “Mother’s Day is For Mom’s: “Pet Mama’s” Move Aside!”

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Mom’s Favorite Things…A Mockery of Everything “Julie Andrews”

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Push the play button at the bottom and sing along with us! These are every mom’s favorite things!

White wine and red wine and cocktail creations
Shiny beer bottles and child free libations
Quiet, tipsy moments that nighttime ever brings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

Polished, clean potties and laundry all folded
swept floors, and lawn mowed, and children pre-scolded
Offspring that bow to their parents like kings
These are few of mom’s favorite things!

Girls in potato sacks and boys playing nicely
Children who make their beds up quite precisely
Sisters and brothers who leave out verbal stings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

When the dog barfs, when our ears ring
When you’re screaming mad
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

Spicy bloody mary’s and a personal cook
Hot bubble baths and new romance book
Children who do chores happily without strings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Cuddles with littles and blankets all cozy
Sweet tiny kisses and cheeks red and rosey
Jolly little voices and tears when they sing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Chocolate well hidden so no one can find it
Christmas gifts wrapped with tight ribbon to bind it,
Guests that arrive with much wine under wing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

When no one sleeps, when your job clings
When your man’s a cad,
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

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FAF: Beat Those Holiday Pounds!!!

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The holidays are approaching fast and you know what that means! Worrying about fitting into that New Years dress after all the fabulous food at parties, work event, and family get together’s? I know I do. Start your fitness routine now and your body will thank you.

Be sure to sign up for EBATES and/or SWAGBUCKS for additional savings (for more info on these sites checkout the  FAF Info Page ).

Here are 10 things you need to get your fitness routine started or to just give it a boost! Continue reading “FAF: Beat Those Holiday Pounds!!!”

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Day Dreams Of Ending An Elf

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When “The Elf On The Shelf” first came out, I swore our family wouldn’t be sucked in.

The holidays are stressful enough without having to remember to hide a slightly creepy, weirdly stiff stuffed toy each night before bed….or, more correctly, to quickly can come up with a crazy explanation as to why the elf hasn’t moved since yesterday morning.

“Remember yesterday when you didn’t clean your room like mommy asked? The Elf obviously didn’t like that….so he became petrified…like wood…so be good or he won’t be able to move…”

Continue reading “Day Dreams Of Ending An Elf”

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8 Things Big Family Moms Don’t Want to Hear

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  1. “WOW! You have your hands full!” – Thank you,I didn’t realize this before you pointed it out. Yes, my hands are full, full of love and lunacy and everything in between. I hear this every time I go out and I simply don’t want to hear it ever again.
  2. “Are you done having children?” – I don’t freaking know, LOL. Obviously we have been crazy enough to keep on going long after most of society stops procreating so, who knows? It could happen, it could not. This question just forces me to feel like I have to come up with an answer now. Trust me, when I know, you’ll know.
  3. “So, which one of you is getting ‘fixed’?”- Um, none of your business? Taking away your ability to have more children is a BIG decision depending on many, many factors. It is also a very personal decision. When someone decides to pose this question, it suggests not only that they believe you should not have more children, but that such a decision as a vasectomy or having your tubes tied, is an easy and obvious solution to a problem you may not believe you have. I have had people go so far as to threaten to kidnap my husband and take him to get snipped….not funny. So mind your own beeswax and let people make this decision on their own, privately.
  4. “Wait ’til they are teenagers and eat you out of house and home!” – While this is not a malicious statement, it is one every parent dreads. As mothers, we are constantly attending to our children’s needs and hoping that we meet them appropriately. Being able to meet the dietary needs of teenagers, much less MANY teenagers if you have a big family, is terrifying. As parents, we are already scared and don’t need to be reminded of the fear. However, as parents, we will figure it out. We don’t have a set plan or savings account for teenage food, but we will find a way and that is that.
  5. “I don’t know how you do it” – We just do. Humans are great at adapting, you adapt to one baby, you can adapt to two, or four or six….You simply find a new groove. However, to be honest, I don’t know how parents of single children do it. We are all living our own idea of “happy” and we don’t have to understand each other.
  6. “How are you going to pay for college?” – Again, none of your business. Whether they have college funds or have to work through school, money matters are private and you should have been taught that by your mother!
  7. “What is your profession that you can pay for so many kids!” – No matter what our line of work, we will take care of kids.  That fact that you think a high paying job is required to make a big family work is a little insulting to those of us who just make a normal, honest living. We simply make it work. We budget, we coupon, we do whatever we have to.  We are fine, thank you very much.
  8. “Do all your kids have the same dad?” – Believe it or not I have actually heard this question more than once. This question makes moms feel like they have to go on the defensive. Are you calling me loose when you ask that? With this question you are basically assuming that to have so many children there must be multiple dads, which is somewhat insulting to both my husband and I. Whether our family is made of all the same DNA. combined from previous marriages, or there many different baby daddies, you should probably make this an “inside” question; as in, it doesn’t go “outside” your mouth.

YES, some people have big families. NO, you don’t have to comment on every aspect of big family life. We really are not so different from you.

  • This post has also been featured on The Geeky Mama Blog. Pop on over and see her other amazing articles!

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5 Things We Should Always Be Thankful For

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Many Americans are having a tough time recently breaking themselves out of the political drama of our country to find joy and happiness in their everyday lives. To them I say BOOOOO. We have more to be thankful for with or without our new president than the majority of the world.

So suck it up and take a look at this list of things you should be thankful for….hopefully it will give you a good laugh! Continue reading “5 Things We Should Always Be Thankful For”

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