Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST

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At the end of each year, every mother is excited for the start of a new year.  It’s a time for planning trips, making resolutions, and of course for a new Mother Of The Year Contest!

The winner of this contest is the BEST mother in the world. This mother never yells, she smiles and guides her children with care; she is always well dressed with her hair coiffed and make-up carefully applied. This mother volunteers at all school events, attends PTO meetings with pride, knows her children’s teacher’s birthdays and brings coffee to the school office staff on cold, frosty mornings.

The Mother Of The Year never throws lunches together willy-nilly in the morning, she abhors yoga pants for anything other than her daily workout, her children are always squeaky clean and  endlessly smiling…

UGH!

One mother, this 2017, was desperate to win this coveted title. She planned so carefully, wrote out her goals and read books on anger management, time management, and how to survive on 2 hours of sleep and no real nutrition.

On January 1, 2017 she awoke to her alarm at 6:30am…she only hit snooze once. WIN!

With grand plans of making the perfect breakfast she waltzed into the kitchen to prepare eggs and bacon to find a soaking wet toddler on the floor. CALM, stay CALM, she told herself.

After searching the house she discovered the source of water to be the toilet….now overflowing with socks and a very large turd.

How does a small child manage to create such a mess before the sun even breaks the horizon!!??

A vein nearly popped in her head, but this mother kept her cool. She cleaned up the child, dealt with the turd and unclogged the toilet.

However, while she was elbow deep in poo, the eggs burned and the bacon withered to a chalky crisp…Fuck.

Have some cereal kids, this mother cooed, a wispy smile on her face.

She sat with her coffee and took deep breaths while her children fought over which spoon they wanted and yelled at each other for taking too much cereal, eating too slowly, touching each others hair…

When a large spoonful of cereal shot across the table into her much needed coffee, her calm broke and her voice rose….She sent the little demons to dress, to get away from her and each other.

This mother went to dress herself. She had grand goals of getting out of her sweats today, of looking like an actual human being.

She had forgotten that she never got to do HER laundry. She spent so much time on other people’s clothes that hers always remained dirty, or a wrinkled mess at the bottom of the clean pile.

Screw it. Yoga pants could look nice, and a comfy college hoodie would keep the cold at bay. Totally practical.

While she was getting dressed her oldest had hit his sister, the youngest had pulled off his diaper and pooped on the floor and the threenager had found scissors and cut his hair…

She’d been in her room for 4 minutes.

A firestorm or anger and exhaustion emerged. She yelled, then she cleaned up more poo while the children watched TV, the only thing they could do without messing with each other or something they weren’t supposed to. She cried into her cereal polluted coffee.

Mother Of The Year NEVER uses television….

She NEVER yells…

She NEVER has anything to cry about….

She is a FUCKING MYTH….

 

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70 thoughts on “Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST

  1. Definitely a myth! There is no mother who doesn’t yell, cry or use TV at some stage.. is there?! Doesn’t seem real or possible. Such a funny post lovely! Thank you for sharing with #BloggerClubUK

  2. Haha she definietly is! I take solice in knowing that nun of the year and supermum are just figments of our imagination. That does sound like a particularly trying morning though. Thank for joining us at #familyfun x

  3. Um, did this happen in real life? Because it sounds an awful lot like a replay of a recent day I had. Also on the first. If so, it would make me feel better at least 🙂 Yes, the perfect mother is mythical, so I shoot for practically perfect. You know the kind that makes lots of mistakes, because I am totally NAILING that!

  4. Yes I totally lost too! You are right she is a myth even the best of Mums fail sometimes. Who said they were the best anyway!!? Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

  5. Totally relate! I’ve only been a mummy for 4 months and I barely feel able to dress myself each day- it’s great news that the perfect mum is a mythical creature!!
    #BloggerClubUK

  6. Most definitely a myth! There are good days and bad days for all of us. I am trying to have more good days…we shall see! Not yelling…I need to work on that. I have no idea how to work on that…

  7. I break all my resolutions as a mum… we can keep our calm sometimes but when shit hits the ceiling, we are still human!!! I embrace television as a babysitter, let my three-year-old sleep past midnight on the weekends and loose my cool often. But motherhood isn’t easy and no-one is perfect, let alone being a perfect mother! As long as your child is happy and loved, I agree, let go of the Momguilt and the never-ending resolutions!
    #bestandworst

  8. Being a perfect mother is pretty much not achievable. Everyone has their off days whether they are a parent or not.

  9. Bah. She totally doesn’t exist, and I don’t believe the people who make us think that their life is like THAT. Amen to normal, crazy lives and wild children who drive us mad! #bestandworst

  10. Haha. Hilariously told! And absolute truth at that. There’s no such thing as a perfect mom. I’d love to embrace the imperfections, while making small modifications every day as we learn some thing new about parenting.

  11. Oh girl I love this! I tried to get a bit of work done this morning which ended up meaning beads all over the floor, furniture moved, fighting kids, and I finally gave up!

  12. Haha. I have no delusions about being the perfect mom. I am the mom that tries to make everything look perfect while barely holding it together.

  13. I love the honesty. There will never be a perfect mother, but we are perfect in our children’s eyes and that’s what matters the most. I think we should stop trying to be the mother of the year and just stick to being the mother of our kids.

  14. That is awesome 🙂 It’s important to not be too hard on yourself . The perfect mother doesn’t exist more people need to accept that and do the best they can

  15. ha! thanks for the laugh! Just enjoy getting to be a mother, it is a blessing that not everyone gets! As long as they are happy and healthy! No use comparing yourself!

  16. lol. Sounds like the mother that we all are on most days of the week. I try to look at each day new saying to myself today is the day that I will remain calm…So far today has actually been ok!

  17. lol here here! I have definitely lost already this year, I think I lasted a day before having to start shouting because no one would tidy up! oh well keep trying I think!

    1. oh man, poop is so icky too…there was once a brown smudge on my wall that i left for a whole week because i told my self it COULD be chocolate just because i didn’t want to deal with anymore poop!

  18. This is hilarious! I’m not a mother but I hear the way some of friends and how they always say there is no such things a perfect mom and this reminded me of it!

  19. this is so right on. LOVE that you say mother of the year is a myth. YES! we all try to portray we are, but in the end we all are just doing the best we can!!!

  20. Hahaha this was a fantastic read! Mom’s always do their best but no human is perfect. We all get that.

  21. Haha I love this! I was laughing out loud. There is no such thing as the best, but we can definitely strive to be our best selves in a way we feel content and happy!

  22. I think you won mother of the year. You acknowledge that it’s a crazy ideal and that you had to deal with a lot of poop. You are one awesome woman.

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