My Uterus, My Problem: But Seriously, How Many Kids Is Enough?

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I have six children, and a very obvious obsession with babies. When we had our fifth we thought our family might be complete. But a year went by and we both felt the tug at our hearts that meant we had more love to give.

All our children wanted another bundle of joy as well, so we went for it. Number 6 came along about six months ago and my husband and I both immediately questioned whether we would truly be happy if this was our last baby. 

Continue reading “My Uterus, My Problem: But Seriously, How Many Kids Is Enough?”

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Society’s Fear Of Sugar Is Poisoning Our Children’s Drinks

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If there is one thing I really don’t understand about America’s food culture, it is our obsessive fear of SUGAR. Despite this, we still crave sweets, so we satisfy ourselves with sugar-free drinks and candy, we bake with sugar substitutes and have waged an all out war against high fructose corn syrup.

Fine. We’re adults, we have enough knowledge to understand what we are putting in our bodies and how it could effect us in the long run. I have to admit to a love of Diet Coke myself.

Where it really gets my goat, however,  is when parents make their kids freak out about sugar. Continue reading “Society’s Fear Of Sugar Is Poisoning Our Children’s Drinks”

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Sorry (NOT Sorry) I Missed Your Facebook Birthday

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We’re all adults here aren’t we? Can we agree that, for the most part, that after age 21 our Birthday’s are a day we celebrate quietly with our closest friends and family?

Some of you are glaring at me already…I know who you are, I’ve seen your facebook page, i see your updates and pictures beginning with day one of your birthday MONTH. WTF does that mean?! I mean, I think it’s great that you were born, and you should pour yourself a hefty glass of something alcoholic for making it this far, but I think you love yourself a teensy tinsey bit too much if you celebrate all month! Even a week is too much….You get one day! ONE! You’re mother wasn’t in labor for a month was she? And if we are deciding the length of your celebration based on how long your mom worked to squeeze you out, we should really be celebrating her!

But I digress. If it’s your brithday, Happy freaking Birthday, but don’t expect a facebook post from me!

If we are close enough, or at least related enough, I will gladly contact you via phone -probably just a text cause let’s face it no one likes to talk anymore!- and bestow happy wishes for a wonderful birthday….If we are not that close but I still REALLY like you, I may post on your timeline just to let you know that I’m thinking of you…

Otherwise, I hope you have a great day, but I’m not part of it, and posting on your FB timeline isn’t going to change that!

I get at least 5 notifications a day for birthdays and, to be honest, most the time I don’t even really recognize anyone’s names! I hit DISMISS every single time….HAPPY BIRTHDAY…I don’t really care.

That may seem heartless and mean. But honestly, do you care if one more person posts on your timeline with the EXACT same message as everyone else? Will it make your birthday more special if someone you haven’t spoken to in years writes 13 letters with an exclamation point? Will you feel left out if someone whose posts you scroll by without notice doesn’t post these 13 letters on this particular day?

NO! And you you know why? Because we are freaking adults and this new trend of having everyone you don’t spend time with, talk to, or even think about, post on your FB on your big, fabulous day of birth, is just asinine.

“But, but, but it doesn’t take much time to impart your happy wishes!”

DON’T CARE. It takes SOME time and that’s enough. I either have to drag my butt to the computer and spend five minutes typing a birthday wish to the 8 people born on that day who won’t even notice my lame attempt amongst all the happy thoughts of people they actually care about OR I have to try out the crappy app on my equally crappy phone and spend even more time…

Time is precious my friends. Those five minutes could be the only quiet moments I get in a day…

So, sorry, but not really, that I won’t be acknowledging your birthday on FB…I’m sure you won’t even notice, and that is perfectly normal. For those of you that need 300+ birthday wishes from people you barely recognize and never speak with starting a month before your actual birthday even occurs….YOU HAVE PROBLEMS.

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Mother’s Day is For Mom’s: “Pet Mama’s” Move Aside!

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May is just around the corner, and with it comes a day that every mommy looks forward to: Mother’s Day.

Mom’s spend a lot of time doing a lot of thankless tasks throughout the year, we are yelled at by the tiny people we are trying to rear and clean up the same mess 10 times a day simply to do it all again tomorrow.

On Mother’s day, our tiny humans thank us with cards and extra kisses, our spouses shower us in relaxation and breakfast made by anyone but mom.

It’s a wonderful day, just for MOMS. For the women who have created life inside their own bodies or chosen to spend their lives raising children they married into or were fortunate enough to adopt.

We deserve this day.

Which is why, while I search through the card aisle for the perfect card for my own mother, who has put up with 34 years of ME, I get pretty annoyed with the card category entitled “Pet Mom.” Continue reading “Mother’s Day is For Mom’s: “Pet Mama’s” Move Aside!”

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A Glimpse Into Our Child’s Surgery

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As some of you may know, my son recently had a pretty major surgery that required him to stay 3 days and 2 nights at the hospital.

His surgery went fine, by the way, and he is recovering quickly. In fact, our biggest problem is keeping him still enough to heal properly!

From our own experience I learned a few things that I would like to share with you just in case you ever have to go through such an ordeal. Or perhaps you know someone who has an upcoming visit that could use a little advice. Continue reading “A Glimpse Into Our Child’s Surgery”

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Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST

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At the end of each year, every mother is excited for the start of a new year.  It’s a time for planning trips, making resolutions, and of course for a new Mother Of The Year Contest!

The winner of this contest is the BEST mother in the world. This mother never yells, she smiles and guides her children with care; she is always well dressed with her hair coiffed and make-up carefully applied. This mother volunteers at all school events, attends PTO meetings with pride, knows her children’s teacher’s birthdays and brings coffee to the school office staff on cold, frosty mornings. Continue reading “Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST”

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Mom’s Favorite Things…A Mockery of Everything “Julie Andrews”

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Push the play button at the bottom and sing along with us! These are every mom’s favorite things!

White wine and red wine and cocktail creations
Shiny beer bottles and child free libations
Quiet, tipsy moments that nighttime ever brings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

Polished, clean potties and laundry all folded
swept floors, and lawn mowed, and children pre-scolded
Offspring that bow to their parents like kings
These are few of mom’s favorite things!

Girls in potato sacks and boys playing nicely
Children who make their beds up quite precisely
Sisters and brothers who leave out verbal stings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

When the dog barfs, when our ears ring
When you’re screaming mad
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

Spicy bloody mary’s and a personal cook
Hot bubble baths and new romance book
Children who do chores happily without strings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Cuddles with littles and blankets all cozy
Sweet tiny kisses and cheeks red and rosey
Jolly little voices and tears when they sing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Chocolate well hidden so no one can find it
Christmas gifts wrapped with tight ribbon to bind it,
Guests that arrive with much wine under wing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

When no one sleeps, when your job clings
When your man’s a cad,
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

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