Mother’s Day is For Mom’s: “Pet Mama’s” Move Aside!

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May is just around the corner, and with it comes a day that every mommy looks forward to: Mother’s Day.

Mom’s spend a lot of time doing a lot of thankless tasks throughout the year, we are yelled at by the tiny people we are trying to rear and clean up the same mess 10 times a day simply to do it all again tomorrow.

On Mother’s day, our tiny humans thank us with cards and extra kisses, our spouses shower us in relaxation and breakfast made by anyone but mom.

It’s a wonderful day, just for MOMS. For the women who have created life inside their own bodies or chosen to spend their lives raising children they married into or were fortunate enough to adopt.

We deserve this day.

Which is why, while I search through the card aisle for the perfect card for my own mother, who has put up with 34 years of ME, I get pretty annoyed with the card category entitled “Pet Mom.” Continue reading “Mother’s Day is For Mom’s: “Pet Mama’s” Move Aside!”

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A Glimpse Into Our Child’s Surgery

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As some of you may know, my son recently had a pretty major surgery that required him to stay 3 days and 2 nights at the hospital.

His surgery went fine, by the way, and he is recovering quickly. In fact, our biggest problem is keeping him still enough to heal properly!

From our own experience I learned a few things that I would like to share with you just in case you ever have to go through such an ordeal. Or perhaps you know someone who has an upcoming visit that could use a little advice. Continue reading “A Glimpse Into Our Child’s Surgery”

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Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST

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At the end of each year, every mother is excited for the start of a new year.  It’s a time for planning trips, making resolutions, and of course for a new Mother Of The Year Contest!

The winner of this contest is the BEST mother in the world. This mother never yells, she smiles and guides her children with care; she is always well dressed with her hair coiffed and make-up carefully applied. This mother volunteers at all school events, attends PTO meetings with pride, knows her children’s teacher’s birthdays and brings coffee to the school office staff on cold, frosty mornings. Continue reading “Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST”

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Mom’s Favorite Things…A Mockery of Everything “Julie Andrews”

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Push the play button at the bottom and sing along with us! These are every mom’s favorite things!

White wine and red wine and cocktail creations
Shiny beer bottles and child free libations
Quiet, tipsy moments that nighttime ever brings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

Polished, clean potties and laundry all folded
swept floors, and lawn mowed, and children pre-scolded
Offspring that bow to their parents like kings
These are few of mom’s favorite things!

Girls in potato sacks and boys playing nicely
Children who make their beds up quite precisely
Sisters and brothers who leave out verbal stings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

When the dog barfs, when our ears ring
When you’re screaming mad
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

Spicy bloody mary’s and a personal cook
Hot bubble baths and new romance book
Children who do chores happily without strings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Cuddles with littles and blankets all cozy
Sweet tiny kisses and cheeks red and rosey
Jolly little voices and tears when they sing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Chocolate well hidden so no one can find it
Christmas gifts wrapped with tight ribbon to bind it,
Guests that arrive with much wine under wing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

When no one sleeps, when your job clings
When your man’s a cad,
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

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10 Reasons Your Elf Didn’t Move Last Night

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If mornings don’t suck enough, add sad faces when the children discover that their beloved Elf On The Shelf has not moved during the night.

He has remained in the same spot he was found in yesterday and, thus, did not make the trip home to Santa to discuss how awesome his little humans are….

Obviously, this is their fault, and here are 10 reasons why! Continue reading “10 Reasons Your Elf Didn’t Move Last Night”

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A 30 Something Birthday Poem

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Happy Birthday to me,
Is not what you say,
Unless you are seven,
And just want to play.

Remember the days
Of keg stands and shots?
Celebrating til dawn
Vodka numbing our thoughts?

Hangovers past 30
Prepare you for death,
They are painful and dirty
Don’t smell your own breath!

I’ll pass on the party,
and the fruits of hard liquors,
I’ll celebrate smartly,
With a box of wine in my nickers.

Just kidding, calm down,
Well the wine part is true,
But I’ll wear my yoga pants
So as not to offend you.

My Husband wants a HAPPY Birthday,
If you know what I mean,
That’s all well and good,
But I want my house clean!

Wine and a maid,
That’s my Birthday wish,
Fermented grapes I’ll supply,
But no maid and broom to swish.

No matter I say,
This day is best
With my family to hold
Screw all the rest.

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5 Tips To Organize And Keep Your Child’s Room Clean, Contributed By Demi

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Every parent is well familiar with the fact that keeping their children’s room in a presentable condition proves to be a complete nightmare. Socks and clothes tend to end up on the floor. The same is valid for toys, books, stationary etc. If you are a parent struggling with this problem, continue reading this article.

Proper organization of your child’s possessions is of crucial importance if one wishes to be able to walk across the room without having to constantly manoeuvre,  avoiding Barbie dolls, teddy bears and school textbooks, or their favorite Harry Potter books. Naturally, to achieve lasting results, parents are required to instill a sense of discipline and organization in their children. This is the easiest way to ensure your child’s space will be well-kept, organized and clean. Here are a few tips we recommend in order to keep your kids’ room easy to clean.



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10 Reasons I’m A Dreadful Parent

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  1. I often warm up my hands on my children…even the baby is not safe.
  2. I make my kids come all the way up from downstairs to fetch me something that is 5 feet from the comfy chair I am currently living in.5127279893_8de7bc35fc_n
  3. Sometimes I threaten to throw the kids into a volcano if they don’t stop fighting.
  4. I will throw self control to the wind on rough days and break out the candy early, then claim the kids can’t have any because it’s too late and they could get cavities.
  5. There have been a few occasions where an event we were supposed to attend was cancelled (ok, one time I just REALLY didn’t want to go) so I told the children we could not appear at said event unless they cleaned their rooms and did their chores…basically I chose tasks I knew they would fail at. Teaching responsibility is rough.
  6. I specifically buy cookies and candies that I know they dislike so they will leave my munchies alone.
  7. I make fun of them behind their backs…for examplewp_20150803_004-2, “Do you think the baby will be our most beautiful child, but also the dumbest?”
  8. 5, 10, 120 second rule….screw it. Dust it off and shove it in your face, honey. Unless food falls into something suspiciously muddy or wet I really don’t care if it was on the floor. Don’t waste it, it’s fine, eat up.
  9. I hate playing games with my small children. Candyland is an exercise in patience I don’t have. I do it because they LOVE it, but my OCD goes nuts and I require alcohol to muddle through without a freakout.
  10. Sometimes I threaten to cut my daughters hair if she won’t let me play with it….I have one daughter who only wants “hippie floats  in the wind” as a hairstyle…let me braid it dammit!

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