Sorry (NOT Sorry) I Missed Your Facebook Birthday

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We’re all adults here aren’t we? Can we agree that, for the most part, that after age 21 our Birthday’s are a day we celebrate quietly with our closest friends and family?

Some of you are glaring at me already…I know who you are, I’ve seen your facebook page, i see your updates and pictures beginning with day one of your birthday MONTH. WTF does that mean?! I mean, I think it’s great that you were born, and you should pour yourself a hefty glass of something alcoholic for making it this far, but I think you love yourself a teensy tinsey bit too much if you celebrate all month! Even a week is too much….You get one day! ONE! You’re mother wasn’t in labor for a month was she? And if we are deciding the length of your celebration based on how long your mom worked to squeeze you out, we should really be celebrating her!

But I digress. If it’s your brithday, Happy freaking Birthday, but don’t expect a facebook post from me!

If we are close enough, or at least related enough, I will gladly contact you via phone -probably just a text cause let’s face it no one likes to talk anymore!- and bestow happy wishes for a wonderful birthday….If we are not that close but I still REALLY like you, I may post on your timeline just to let you know that I’m thinking of you…

Otherwise, I hope you have a great day, but I’m not part of it, and posting on your FB timeline isn’t going to change that!

I get at least 5 notifications a day for birthdays and, to be honest, most the time I don’t even really recognize anyone’s names! I hit DISMISS every single time….HAPPY BIRTHDAY…I don’t really care.

That may seem heartless and mean. But honestly, do you care if one more person posts on your timeline with the EXACT same message as everyone else? Will it make your birthday more special if someone you haven’t spoken to in years writes 13 letters with an exclamation point? Will you feel left out if someone whose posts you scroll by without notice doesn’t post these 13 letters on this particular day?

NO! And you you know why? Because we are freaking adults and this new trend of having everyone you don’t spend time with, talk to, or even think about, post on your FB on your big, fabulous day of birth, is just asinine.

“But, but, but it doesn’t take much time to impart your happy wishes!”

DON’T CARE. It takes SOME time and that’s enough. I either have to drag my butt to the computer and spend five minutes typing a birthday wish to the 8 people born on that day who won’t even notice my lame attempt amongst all the happy thoughts of people they actually care about OR I have to try out the crappy app on my equally crappy phone and spend even more time…

Time is precious my friends. Those five minutes could be the only quiet moments I get in a day…

So, sorry, but not really, that I won’t be acknowledging your birthday on FB…I’m sure you won’t even notice, and that is perfectly normal. For those of you that need 300+ birthday wishes from people you barely recognize and never speak with starting a month before your actual birthday even occurs….YOU HAVE PROBLEMS.

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Mother’s Day is For Mom’s: “Pet Mama’s” Move Aside!

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May is just around the corner, and with it comes a day that every mommy looks forward to: Mother’s Day.

Mom’s spend a lot of time doing a lot of thankless tasks throughout the year, we are yelled at by the tiny people we are trying to rear and clean up the same mess 10 times a day simply to do it all again tomorrow.

On Mother’s day, our tiny humans thank us with cards and extra kisses, our spouses shower us in relaxation and breakfast made by anyone but mom.

It’s a wonderful day, just for MOMS. For the women who have created life inside their own bodies or chosen to spend their lives raising children they married into or were fortunate enough to adopt.

We deserve this day.

Which is why, while I search through the card aisle for the perfect card for my own mother, who has put up with 34 years of ME, I get pretty annoyed with the card category entitled “Pet Mom.” Continue reading “Mother’s Day is For Mom’s: “Pet Mama’s” Move Aside!”

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A Glimpse Into Our Child’s Surgery

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As some of you may know, my son recently had a pretty major surgery that required him to stay 3 days and 2 nights at the hospital.

His surgery went fine, by the way, and he is recovering quickly. In fact, our biggest problem is keeping him still enough to heal properly!

From our own experience I learned a few things that I would like to share with you just in case you ever have to go through such an ordeal. Or perhaps you know someone who has an upcoming visit that could use a little advice. Continue reading “A Glimpse Into Our Child’s Surgery”

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Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST

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At the end of each year, every mother is excited for the start of a new year.  It’s a time for planning trips, making resolutions, and of course for a new Mother Of The Year Contest!

The winner of this contest is the BEST mother in the world. This mother never yells, she smiles and guides her children with care; she is always well dressed with her hair coiffed and make-up carefully applied. This mother volunteers at all school events, attends PTO meetings with pride, knows her children’s teacher’s birthdays and brings coffee to the school office staff on cold, frosty mornings. Continue reading “Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST”

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Mom’s Favorite Things…A Mockery of Everything “Julie Andrews”

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Push the play button at the bottom and sing along with us! These are every mom’s favorite things!

White wine and red wine and cocktail creations
Shiny beer bottles and child free libations
Quiet, tipsy moments that nighttime ever brings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

Polished, clean potties and laundry all folded
swept floors, and lawn mowed, and children pre-scolded
Offspring that bow to their parents like kings
These are few of mom’s favorite things!

Girls in potato sacks and boys playing nicely
Children who make their beds up quite precisely
Sisters and brothers who leave out verbal stings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

When the dog barfs, when our ears ring
When you’re screaming mad
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

Spicy bloody mary’s and a personal cook
Hot bubble baths and new romance book
Children who do chores happily without strings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Cuddles with littles and blankets all cozy
Sweet tiny kisses and cheeks red and rosey
Jolly little voices and tears when they sing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Chocolate well hidden so no one can find it
Christmas gifts wrapped with tight ribbon to bind it,
Guests that arrive with much wine under wing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

When no one sleeps, when your job clings
When your man’s a cad,
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

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10 Reasons Your Elf Didn’t Move Last Night

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If mornings don’t suck enough, add sad faces when the children discover that their beloved Elf On The Shelf has not moved during the night.

He has remained in the same spot he was found in yesterday and, thus, did not make the trip home to Santa to discuss how awesome his little humans are….

Obviously, this is their fault, and here are 10 reasons why! Continue reading “10 Reasons Your Elf Didn’t Move Last Night”

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A 30 Something Birthday Poem

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Happy Birthday to me,
Is not what you say,
Unless you are seven,
And just want to play.

Remember the days
Of keg stands and shots?
Celebrating til dawn
Vodka numbing our thoughts?

Hangovers past 30
Prepare you for death,
They are painful and dirty
Don’t smell your own breath!

I’ll pass on the party,
and the fruits of hard liquors,
I’ll celebrate smartly,
With a box of wine in my nickers.

Just kidding, calm down,
Well the wine part is true,
But I’ll wear my yoga pants
So as not to offend you.

My Husband wants a HAPPY Birthday,
If you know what I mean,
That’s all well and good,
But I want my house clean!

Wine and a maid,
That’s my Birthday wish,
Fermented grapes I’ll supply,
But no maid and broom to swish.

No matter I say,
This day is best
With my family to hold
Screw all the rest.

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5 Tips To Organize And Keep Your Child’s Room Clean, Contributed By Demi

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Every parent is well familiar with the fact that keeping their children’s room in a presentable condition proves to be a complete nightmare. Socks and clothes tend to end up on the floor. The same is valid for toys, books, stationary etc. If you are a parent struggling with this problem, continue reading this article.

Proper organization of your child’s possessions is of crucial importance if one wishes to be able to walk across the room without having to constantly manoeuvre,  avoiding Barbie dolls, teddy bears and school textbooks, or their favorite Harry Potter books. Naturally, to achieve lasting results, parents are required to instill a sense of discipline and organization in their children. This is the easiest way to ensure your child’s space will be well-kept, organized and clean. Here are a few tips we recommend in order to keep your kids’ room easy to clean.

Continue reading “5 Tips To Organize And Keep Your Child’s Room Clean, Contributed By Demi”

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