Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST

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At the end of each year, every mother is excited for the start of a new year.  It’s a time for planning trips, making resolutions, and of course for a new Mother Of The Year Contest!

The winner of this contest is the BEST mother in the world. This mother never yells, she smiles and guides her children with care; she is always well dressed with her hair coiffed and make-up carefully applied. This mother volunteers at all school events, attends PTO meetings with pride, knows her children’s teacher’s birthdays and brings coffee to the school office staff on cold, frosty mornings. Continue reading “Mother Of The Year Contest – LOST”

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7 Reasons Going To The Lady Doctor Is Like A First Date

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Following a lovely visit to the Lady Doctor the other day that required recovery via a box of wine a small dark room and music by Sarah McLachlan, I got to thinking.  I had felt this way before, and not just after a pelvic exam.  The preparation, the visit, the aftermath….all these things women go through during their yearly gyno visit correspond closely with what occurs on a first date….It’s no wonder so many people are choosing to be single!

So here are 7 similarities between my visit to the Lady Doc and first dates: Continue reading “7 Reasons Going To The Lady Doctor Is Like A First Date”

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Mom’s Favorite Things…A Mockery of Everything “Julie Andrews”

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Push the play button at the bottom and sing along with us! These are every mom’s favorite things!

White wine and red wine and cocktail creations
Shiny beer bottles and child free libations
Quiet, tipsy moments that nighttime ever brings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

Polished, clean potties and laundry all folded
swept floors, and lawn mowed, and children pre-scolded
Offspring that bow to their parents like kings
These are few of mom’s favorite things!

Girls in potato sacks and boys playing nicely
Children who make their beds up quite precisely
Sisters and brothers who leave out verbal stings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things!

When the dog barfs, when our ears ring
When you’re screaming mad
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

Spicy bloody mary’s and a personal cook
Hot bubble baths and new romance book
Children who do chores happily without strings
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Cuddles with littles and blankets all cozy
Sweet tiny kisses and cheeks red and rosey
Jolly little voices and tears when they sing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

Chocolate well hidden so no one can find it
Christmas gifts wrapped with tight ribbon to bind it,
Guests that arrive with much wine under wing
These are a few of mom’s favorite things

When no one sleeps, when your job clings
When your man’s a cad,
Just simply remember mom’s favorite things
And then you can blame their dad!

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10 Reasons Your Elf Didn’t Move Last Night

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If mornings don’t suck enough, add sad faces when the children discover that their beloved Elf On The Shelf has not moved during the night.

He has remained in the same spot he was found in yesterday and, thus, did not make the trip home to Santa to discuss how awesome his little humans are….

Obviously, this is their fault, and here are 10 reasons why! Continue reading “10 Reasons Your Elf Didn’t Move Last Night”

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