10 Resolutions To Make You Less Of A Jerk In 2018

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2018 is gonna be a great year! Make it even better with these 10 resolutions that will make you happier and less of a jerk….

1.  Stop Tipping Like An A-Hole

Just to be clear, a decent tip to your server or bartender is anywhere between 15 and 20%, 20% being so very much appreciated. Obviously, if your waiter sucks to high heaven we understand docking their tip, but if you are trying to save money by stiffing your hardworking waiter, well, Karma is a Biznatch. Tip well, pay it forward, all that crap.

2. Speak When Spoken To

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I find myself in someones way at the super market and say “Excuse Me” (with a smile) and receive absolutely no reply, not even a head nod or smirk. Even if you can’t muster the effort to say “No problem,” a “F*ck you” would be better than nothing! Give other human beings the respect of acknowledgement for Christ’s sake.

3. Hold The Door

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been walking towards an exit with a baby in one arm, grocery bags in the other and 5 children trailing behind me, and had the person in front of me glance my way and promptly let the door slam in my face. Yes, I am a woman of the world and believe in gender equality, no it won’t hurt my pride if you hold the damn door for me!  Chivalry should never die and you should never be in such a hurry that you can’t hold the door for 5 seconds. Jerk.

4. Be Patient for pete’s sake!

The hustle and bustle of daily life is  busy and sometimes we need to move fast. However, when you are waiting on someone else to do you a favor, PIPE DOWN. For example, your in a busy parking lot and you see me heading to my car and decide to wait for my spot. I’m happy to hurry a bit more than I normally would as you wait. However, if you look annoyed or start honking at the amount of time it takes to pack 6 kids and groceries into my car….well, let’s just say I’m going to get slow. Have patience for your fellow man, most the time people are doing their best, so do your best to be nice!

5. Use The “Thank You” Wave

We all drive like blockheads sometimes, we get in hurry, we’re in crabby moods, whatever. Whether I’m being a jackass and cut someone off or someone is being nice letting me slide in, I always stick my arm out the window and wave my thanks.  We don’t spend enough time trying to show other people our appreciation for their actions, or for their ability to put up with ours. Say thank you; wave.

6. Say “You’re Welcome” 

The ancient art of manners seems to be dying steadily. A few years ago, my step-father expressed his appreciation for my use of the phrase, “you’re welcome” over “no problem,” “don’t worry about it,”  and other colloquialisms that have become the norm in the second millennium. When I think about it, he is right. It’s nice to be acknowledged with a distinguished response. Ever since that day I have striven to reply to “thank you” with “you’re welcome.” It gives more weight to my actions and shows more pride in myself. I’m badass and my words should reflect it. Yours should too.

7. Pick Up After Yourself 

EVERYWHERE! I don’t care if there is a janitor down the hall, pick up the gum wrapper that falls out of your pocket when grabbing your keys, pick up your napkin that drops from your lap at the diner, walk over to the trashcan and grab the can that you missed shooting into the basket in the first place. Be responsible for yourself, your stuff, your trash. Don’t toss your drink containers out the car window or leave them on the pavement when they fall from your car like a waterfall. Stop it now, hug a tree and toss your own trash.

8. If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say… 

SHUT UP! Seriously, there is enough cruelty in the world without mean words falling out of your trap.  Go have a nice vent session with your bestie, but otherwise keep your mouth shut unless you’re spreading love rather than hate. As my brilliant father-in-law has been known to say, “Never miss an opportunity to shut the f*ck up.”

9. Say Hello

Whether you nod your head, smile or form actual words, acknowledging your fellow man is a great way to share the love. I have a fear of meeting other people’s eyes, but when i force myself to do so and offer a smile to a dog walker as I trudge after my kids to school, I feel like a better person. Making connections, even if just for a few seconds, is a crucial part of being human, of being neighborly. Get happy and say hello like a real person, too.

10. pay attention to your surroundings

Get our of your head, out of your self-focused bubble and pay attention to what is going on around you! Are other people trying to go down the aisle you have barricaded with your cart and body at the super market? Have you forgotten that green means “go” as you text away in your car at a stop light? Do you have 80 items to check-out while the person behind you simply needs 1? Pay attention to what is going on around you and act accordingly! Let that person go ahead of you in line, say “excuse me” and move your crap so other people can shop as well…You are not the only person in the world, act like it.

Use these 10 tips and Karma will be less of a biznatch this year, plus you might feel better about yourself and pass on that good feeling to others.

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One thought on “10 Resolutions To Make You Less Of A Jerk In 2018

  1. Yes, yes, and yes to all of them! My two boys (19 and 18 yoa) often get compliments on their manners. It makes me feel good to know I raised them with that respect. My husband currently works as a janitor at a church. His job is to clean. BUT I’m amazed at how much people just throw stuff down without putting it in the trash that’s a few feet away.

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